Eurovision 2014 – Copenhagen


Tick Tock. That hamster-wheel is very distracting which is a shame as the hot singer should be getting all the attention. If looks were points she’d run away with it tonight. Sexiest performance of the night, from both man in wheel and singer. Shame about the shrillness of the singing. It’s OK – 70


Cheesecake. More a boyband shuffle than a proper song. I say boyband, looks a bit tired and emotional the lead singer. If haircuts were points….last place. It’s fairly bland. Should have changed the title to Beefcake, would’ve got the gay vote. 50


Here’s another distraction. Girl on swing really not needed on a slow ballad. The singer’s very pretty and the frock isn’t as ridiculous as we’ve come to expect these days. In a competition with so many strong ballads this sounds dull. Very dull. Somnambulant. 40


Pollopunk, a besuited quirky band. Lively, what a relief after the dreary ones so far. Starts off well, then goes all nursery rhyme, in sound and in lyric. I think a 7-year-old must have written it! Colourful and energetic though. 75


Carl’s not a professional singer, apparently. Has an Indie whiney credibility to it, and black is so slimming. Not a chance in hell of winning, but it’s sort of sweet in a depressing way and picks up as it goes along. Best so far. 80


Paula & Ovi are back. I absolutely loved their 2010 song (came 3rd). This is also about the best dance track this year. This one’s not as good, the verses are a bit blah, but the chorus is anthemic. Sort of half a great record. OVI needs a shave. 85


MP3. One of the faves. Nice lights. Huge bags under the eyes make me wonder if he “parties” too hard. First minute is dreary. Second minute is dramatic. I’m sure there’s a song in there amongst all the passion. He’s not a great singer though. 82


Oh no not skaters again! He’s a bit suave. Like the violins. Another dreary first minute upping the passion half-way through. So many half-songs this contest. Shame cos the last minute is pretty good. 78


Ethic Polish rapping. Odd mixture. Points deducted for sexual innuendo with the milkmaid butterchurning pumping and pouting and bosoming. A bit shouty. Slavik girls seemingly a bit slutty and proud of it. good for them. 65


Another blokey Greece entry, at odds with most entries. Thank goodness! Pogoing dance, great riffs, catchy song, good-looking rapper. This could be a shock winner with so many ballads. Great. 90


Conchita. Beards very fashionable with lads apparently. This ballad is brilliant, dramatic, great singer, great performance. Good enough to be a movie theme. I love this and hope it’s getting points from the Eastern Block. 95


accordian oompah lumbering crossed with Pink-styled pop. It’s not actually bad, it’s just not very exciting or moving and falls in the middle a bit. 68


She keeps trying to get in Eurovision. Good thing too, this is a great song. A real fave for weeks with the Euro fans. It’s classy and builds properly, not drearily. Good singer, well on a par with Austria, could well pip them to the post. 93


As unpredictable as ever, is France. Ripping off big French act Stromae this one. Not so endearing this year though, a bit of a non-song, though the performance is fun and the group lively and entertaining. 55


Didn’t we just have twins? Oh, sisters…? Nice dresses, the hair-twining is a bit naff, the see-saw annoying, and the song very competent and does all the right things yet oddly leaves me a bit under-whelmed, even though they can sing fine and look pretty. 83


Caesar-fashions back in Italy it seems. Laurel-tastic. I like feisty Italian divas and rock, this rocks along nicely but isn’t memorable as a song. Sounds great though. 81


flute! Round and round again, crikey she’s got wide hips. Oh it’s the dress! good song, very memorable, no cheesy bits. Good singer, not bad at all. 88


Pretty boy rock, a bit 2006 though they’ve got the Coldplay wooh oh’s in there. It’s not bad but the song isn’t brilliant, though the energy is and the actual instruments are most welcome. 79


Ruth! She was one on my fave x faxtor acts, an actual good singer. Good to see her popping up again. She always did like an anthem, and whaddya know she’s written one. In a normal year this would stand out as a great ballad. This year though it’s overshadowed. 84.5


Whistle-tastic. Uptempo chuntering folkrock, again I love the sound, and again there’s not much of a songtune in there, but it’s sounds different, and fresh. 82.5


Running, a great club dance tune, that’s normally the default position for Eurovision, but not this year. I like his voice and frills-free presentation. Slap the dancers though. 89


Barlow and Sons, as everyone has commented. He really should have changed his T shirt since the semis. It’s sweet but it’s not a winner. 83.5


He’s short enough to be Bruno Mars, actually. It’s a knowing lyric, and a catchy chorus, should do well. The crowd singing along won’t hurt either! 84


Country duet, classy, great singers great song. He’s got great eyes, and I LOVE this. I want it to come second after Molly! Sometimes less is more, no gimmicks needed. 98


Finally through to the final, Valentina gets a hurrah for trying above and beyond. I suspect this got through on the jury votes, feeling sorry for her. Still, she’s enjoying herself, bless. 45


Ohh she’s a bit nervous, not a good sign. Dress, not sure, but her voice is gorgeous as she gets into it. I got tingles down the spine! One of the best eurovision songs ever. Honest! I hope it does well. 100

1. UK
2. The Netherlands
3. Austria
4. Sweden
5. Greece
6. Hungary
7. Slovenia
8. Romania
9. Spain
10. Denmark


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