Eurovision Song Contest 2015 – My irreverant ratings on the night

Slovenia – Ginger Spice in headphones and a frock. Drum n bass meets a violin, with helium-inspired vocals. I like it!

France – La chanson Francaise elle est marveillieuse. Spelling! Grammar! Ironic title I suspect, but she can belt it out fine and I like it.

Israel – 16 years old, very mature-looking goldenboy with an appealing voice, and I like the bits where the N’Sync-ish dancepop morphs into ethnic hebrew rhythms

Estonia – boy/girl, the song’s not bad actually, but the shaky performance from the male singer knocks it back a tad, and it’s just a bit wishy washy, but good.

UK – flawless vocal performance, great presentation, engaging and different. Fab. Such online hatred for it though from UK fans. Unfairly, at worst it’s forgettably pleasant. I think it’s terrifically retro.

Armenia – Bit of a Greek-Chorus going on (in the Greek Lit sense) costume wise, who all contribute to much wailing. All a bit bizarre!

Lithuania – A skirt of many colours. Another duo. A bit of uptempo country fiddling disguises a bland song. Not very well.

Serbia – Big woman, big voice, big finish. Camp as a row of drama queen tents in a big beats festival. The second half is fab.

Norway – Good singer, pretty tune – till Veronica Lake adds her two-pennorth. Impresses as it goes on actually, pretty good.

Sweden – Great staging, Avicii/Guetta-inspired dancepop taking a leaf out of Loreen’s winning-book. Being easy on the eye doesn’t hurt, either. Bloody excellent!

Cyprus – Euro-fan mate Hass’ interview on youtube with John, ahh he so sweet-natured and sensible. The gentleness of the song, and especially without the obligatory rousing climax, is most welcome.

Australia – Oh I wish they were in it every year! Guy is a fab singer in a Bruno Mars groove, and this is a proper pop song, sounding credible, good quality and a fab performance.

Belgium – Lorde-inspired alternative EDM-pop (genre-wise), inspiringly different and written and sung by a 19-year-old who has a nap half-way through. Unusual, classy, great hook, great staging, good singing. Fab!

Austria – 70’s rock throwbacks in the old sense of the word (poprock) complete with long hair and a song. Where’s a fire extinguisher when you need one. I like it.

Greece – long-hair, female, sparkly dress, it can only be a Celine Dion moment. Let’s wait and see. Oh, yes, here comes that wind-machine and the OTT volume-raising at the end. Pass!

Montenegro – The ethnic instruments, the non-English lyrics, a good singer, and a good song all have to compete with Botoxism. Which will win?

Germany – Cat-suit – is it Selina Kyle? Hate the hair-bun and the winking, though the shuffling souldance groove is most welcome. Wot! Ella Eyre wrote this?! She’s a hot UK songwriter/hitmaker, no wonder it sounded good [NB voters have cloth-ears obviously, the UK could do with using it’s hot young songwriters for Eurovision!]

Poland – Points for perseverance in the face of adversity. I approve of the sentiment and everything about it…but I feel mean finding it a bit forgettable and a bit off-key. Now I feel guilty!

Latvia – FKA-Twigs-inspired (as I’m sure all you trend-followers spotted!) this has credibility and 2015 written all over it, VERY cool and I love it, I love the lack of cliches, the EDM sounds (Electronic dance music is THE sound of the teenies decade) and a great singer.

Romania – a giant-diamond-encrusted scarab beetle seems to have perched on his throat. It’s a worthy song that isn’t sickening, nor is it forgettable, but it’s not a winner, just pleasant.

Spain – Lady In Red. Spanish lady. Then in white. Good singer but not as good as the recorded version, comes over a bit anti-climactic, ironically.

Hungary – Like the astronomy backdrop. Worthy and dreary. A good tune never hurts a message song, and this has not a good tune.

Georgia – Lily Munster in hotpants, crossed with a bit of Hawkwoman. Thumping rock chick drama though. great drums. Striking and a great performance.

Azerbaijan – I hate distracting mimes. The singer thinks he’s Neo in the Matrix. He’s not bad actually, but it’s also worthy and dull.

Russia – Tipped to win despite politics, it’s yet another worthy ballad, but less ploddy and more rousing. A bit shrill for me, I don’t get it’s popularity…

Albania – Another plodding ballad, but this time not worthy. In every sense of the word. I was annoyed this drivel qualified over the fab Denmark in semi 1. So in a strop I called her a shrieking harpy. I suppose I should revise that as it was a bit unfair and I was in a bad mood…

Italy – Il Divo. There are so many of these handsome young male operatic/pop crossover groups on the hotel circuit these days, it’s a virtual Italian industry. Great singers though, they piss over half the so-called singers in the competition. fab!

My rating on the night:

1.Belgium (4th)
2.Sweden (1st)
3.Latvia (6th)
4.Australia (5th)
5.Italy (3rd – or 1st in the televote only, yes they wuz robbed by the panels!)
6.UK (24th)
7.Germany (26th Nul points!)
8.Norway (8th)
9.Israel (9th)
10.Georgia (11th)
11.Serbia (10th)
12.Montenegro (13th)

So how did the others do?
Russia (2nd)
Estonia (7th)
Azerbaijan (12th)

That is officially the most in-tune I have ever been with Eurovision, and UK itunes sales seem to agree with the results, with the notable exception of Italy who are much lower.

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3 thoughts on “Eurovision Song Contest 2015 – My irreverant ratings on the night

  1. Thom Hickey says:

    Thanks for following The Immortal Jukebox. I hope you are finding lots to entertain you and maybe making some discoveries. If you haven’t visited for a while check it out again. Please feel free to add comments. Good luck with your blog. Regards Thom.

    • Thanks Thom, and thanks for the reminder, I’d not popped on for a while.
      All fab stuff Helen Shapiro, Bryan ferry, Sam Cooke, the Manfreds! I highly recommend a stop by your blog to anyone keen on classic popmusic of all genres

      cheers!
      john

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